I Bet I Can Pick More Golden Globe Winners Than You

The 67^th annual Golden Globe nominees were announced today, which means there’s another awards show for me to blindly choose winners for since I haven’t seen most of the nominated movies (the TV nominees I’m at least somewhat familiar with). I usually take some time over the holidays to catch a few of the most buzzed about movies, but that won’t stop me from making winner guesses now.

And when I turn out to be wrong on about 80% of my picks when the Golden Globes air on January 17, I won’t particularly care due to the undoubtedly awesome hosting skills of Ricky Gervais. But don’t worry, Gervais; no pressure.

BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

AVATAR

THE HURT LOCKER

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE

UP IN THE AIR

I know Up in the Air is getting oodles of positive feedback, but when going up against the drama-bomb that is Precious, I wonder if it’s going to look too lightweight. I heard The Hurt Locker was also fantastic, but I don’t know if it was mainstream enough to be seriously considered. Avatar and Inglourious Basterds…no. I’d put my (metaphorical) money on Precious winning.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

EMILY BLUNT, THE YOUNG VICTORIA

SANDRA BULLOCK, THE BLIND SIDE

HELEN MIRREN, THE LAST STATION

CAREY MULLIGAN, AN EDUCATION

GABOUREY SIDIBE, PRECIOUS

I’m going to say Gabourey Sidibe all the way. Even people who were put off by every other element of Precious had nothing but raves for Sidibe’s breakout performance. Plus she is a hoot on talk shows (check out her interview on The Tonight Show), so I’d love to see her doing the post-Golden Globes chat circuit.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

JEFF BRIDGES, CRAZY HEART

GEORGE CLOONEY, UP IN THE AIR

COLIN FIRTH, A SINGLE MAN

MORGAN FREEMAN, INVICTUS

TOBEY MAGUIRE, BROTHERS

Probably Colin Firth, with George Clooney being a close second. Again, I think Up in the Air will be seen as too comedic when up against something like A Single Man.

BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

(500) DAYS OF SUMMER

THE HANGOVER

IT’S COMPLICATED

JULIE & JULIA

NINE

Well, The Hangover was by far the funniest of the bunch, but do the Golden Globes really want to award the funniest comedy, or the most poignant comedy? Depending on which way the wind blows, I could see (500) Days of Summer winning, but The Hangover really should.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

SANDRA BULLOCK, THE PROPOSAL

MARION COTILLARD, NINE

JULIA ROBERTS, DUPLICITY

MERYL STREEP, IT’S COMPLICATED

MERYL STREEP, JULIE & JULIA

So Sandra Bullock got nominated for roles in both comedy and drama…that’s…interesting, I guess. But Meryl Streep in Julie & Julia has to win this. Her Julia Child was funny, touching, and a spot-on impression without feeling like a caricature. And it was enough to make up for the soppy Amy Adams half of the movie.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY

OR MUSICAL

MATT DAMON, THE INFORMANT!

DANIEL DAY-LEWIS, NINE

ROBERT DOWNEY JR., SHERLOCK HOLMES

JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT, (500) DAYS OF SUMMER

MICHAEL STUHLBARG, A SERIOUS MAN

It’s too bad Up in the Air isn’t considered a comedy, because Clooney could win here no problem. Everyone loves to give Daniel Day-Lewis awards (not that I’m complaining), but so far Nine has gotten mostly mediocre reviews. I’d still give him my pick, but Joseph Gordon-Levitt got a lot of positive attention for (500) Days of Summer, and this may be the only category in which the beloved indie movie has a chance of taking home a prize.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS

CORALINE

FANTASTIC MR. FOX

THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG

UP

Only an idiot bets against Pixar at this point. And Up was amazing, so no complaints here.

BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE

KATHRYN BIGELOW, THE HURT LOCKER

JAMES CAMERON, AVATAR

CLINT EASTWOOD, INVICTUS

JASON REITMAN, UP IN THE AIR

QUENTIN TARANTINO, INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

With all those big names up there, is it wrong that I would pick Jason Reitman to win? Well, who cares? It’s not like anyone is reading this anyway.

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

BIG LOVE

DEXTER

HOUSE

MAD MEN

TRUE BLOOD

I’m sort of dumbfounded that Breaking Bad isn’t nominated, since that was by far and away the best drama I saw last year. So I’ll say Mad Men, also beloved and excellent, but Breaking Bad deserves a write-in vote.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES –

DRAMA

GLENN CLOSE, DAMAGES

JANUARY JONES, MAD MEN

JULIANNA MARGULIES, THE GOOD WIFE

ANNA PAQUIN, TRUE BLOOD

KYRA SEDGWICK, THE CLOSER

Of all these shows, I only watch Mad Men, and January Jones is about as wooden an actress as everyone else says she is. So I’ll guess Glenn Close.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

SIMON BAKER, THE MENTALIST

MICHAEL C. HALL, DEXTER

JON HAMM, MAD MEN

HUGH LAURIE, HOUSE

BILL PAXTON, BIG LOVE

What the mother-f??? Where is Bryan Cranston? I can almost understand Breaking Bad being overlooked as a series, as some people (read: morons) are turned off by the grittiness of the show, but how is Cranston not nominated for his role? And that douche from The Mentalist is? Whatever, Golden Globes. Jon Hamm for the win.

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

30 ROCK

ENTOURAGE

GLEE

MODERN FAMILY

THE OFFICE

It’ll probably be 30 Rock. I still love The Office, but it’s steadily losing steam and isn’t the great comedy it once was. Entourage hasn’t been even remotely funny for the past two years, so I don’t know what the fuck there. I enjoy Glee, but as a fun, mid-week brain break; there are way too many plot holes and sloppy production values for it to be awards material. Modern Family is really funny—probably the funniest new comedy this year—but 30 Rock is a favorite and is pretty consistent with the laughs, so I have to give it to them.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES –

COMEDY OR MUSICAL

TONI COLLETTE, UNITED STATES OF TARA

COURTENEY COX, COUGAR TOWN

EDIE FALCO, NURSE JACKIE

TINA FEY, 30 ROCK

LEA MICHELE, GLEE

I would say Tina Fey, but Toni Collette walked off with the Emmy for this category. Screw it, I still say Tina Fey.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES –

COMEDY OR MUSICAL

ALEC BALDWIN, 30 ROCK

STEVE CARELL, THE OFFICE

DAVID DUCHOVNY, CALIFORNICATION

THOMAS JANE, HUNG

MATTHEW MORRISON, GLEE

I wasn’t aware that anyone even watched Hung…but I digress. Alec Baldwin will mostly likely win.

So there are my 2010 Golden Globe winner picks. Hopefully within the next month I’ll see a few more of the nominated movies and be able to back up (or change) my choices. And get myself geared up for the Oscars. Oh how I love this pompous, overblown time in the entertainment world—truly the most wonderful time of the year.